The Needs of the One

by Kahu Brian Vatcher on July 4, 2011

It has been some time since I sat down to write in this “blog”. The meal eaten alone is not very satisfying. There is an old Hawaiian saying which, in English, is sort of like, “You eat standing up.” The layers of meaning are seen in the idea that you have no place nor people with whom to share your food. You are alone and on the go. It is a strange thing in Hawaiian culture to have no place of community or connection.

clip_image001Another aspect of community is to see the importance of each individual. Each person has their part to play and the job or experience they bring in to the picture. They not only have to take care of the job of being a “cook” or “husband” but each person must take care of “myself.” When I lose sight to that point I begin to feel disconnected. I can help more when I care for myself. That begins with love.

It can also begin with fear. That is their prefect role, too. To be the gossip and fear monger. The mirror of what we may not want to be.

There is a falsehood that I should be kind to only those who are kind to me. I hope I am but some days I am in my head and may be blind to the kindness. An email goes unanswered. A text message is not responded to directly. There are many small kindnesses that may come towards me that I miss.

The truth may also be that my kindness is missed by others. It doesn’t matter. The only kindness I hope I can remember is the kindness to be with myself. To forgive myself. To allow myself the patience to begin where I am.

I believe one of the greatest “lies” we like to say is “do as you like…as long as it does no harm to others.” I wake up and harm “people”. I’m gay so there would some who say I harm the world for being myself. I am married to man, so I “harm” marriage for some. I eat meat and love Kailua pork. Some vegans and others might say I harm them. And the blessing of my life is I actually have learned that I love who I am and that in doing what I do that harms others (either directly or in-directly), I feel blessed. I love my life. I love who I am.

The other misconception is that the “needs of the many outweigh the needs of the one.” However, the kindness of one man heals the lives of many. The anger of another can turn the tide in a situation. The truth of a crowd is that it will turn on the weakest and kill, trample, and flay a soul either emotionally, spiritually or physically. Look at gossip magazines. They love to “eat” their favorites.

two jumpThe needs of the one may result in the child who grows up to heal cancer. Or the one who may bring joy to his parents. And the healing of the many begins with the knowing that love begins in each of us. It begins right now. Love is done with joy, compassion and the surrender that it may not be accepted by others.

I have seen some amazing shifts in the world through the gift I see each week in Ha’awina Wednesday. The latest blessing happened with the surrender of “leadership” to see the light of each individual in our group.

We have learned about the individual connection to source from Kemananakoa. We learned about source in each place we live and from the world around us through our visit to Keaka’s horse ranch. And Ka’iminui showed us the healing and acceptance of the lessons from source. These amazing teachers share our table each week. Each week, each other person brings their light to the place we practice. Each person around the table is a brilliant light in my life.

The blessing I see is that the light of my life is enriched and blessed by the healing happening is each and every person. Each individual participating in a moment of love helps me know we are on the path of Pu’uwai. The Hearts Flow opens each day for me.

I truly appreciate the miracle that so many have been so connected and OPEN to share so much of their lives at Ha’awina. The healing that happens and the joy that opens, grows the inspiration within me every day.  E ho mai!

It is the inspiration that reminds me that I am in charge of my happiness. I have control of my expression of love in the world. My connection to source is mine to nurture.

many jumpThank you to the many Ohana who have shared their love, their humility, their daily challenges with the honesty and openness of angels for the past year. Thank you to each host and place that has allowed the Ha’awina Ohana a place to sit. You inspire me. You bless me. You bless the world.

Most importantly, you have been a wonderful mirror to remind me that I am the light of my world. And when I am alone, your connection is the gift that brings me light.

I look forward to eating together with you again soon.

Mahalo nui.

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Life Sentence

by Kahu Brian Vatcher on March 15, 2011

I stood in the moonlight and the breeze brings the fragrance of citrus blossoms through my being. It is a night full of gratitude and blessings. Calm and caressing breeze moves to a new direction bringing the scent of jasmine. Fragrances move and swirl, my life is blessed.

20101223062250It brings to mind and old memory.

I was talking to someone and they said, “When you learned you are HIV positive it must have felt like a death sentence.” I remember saying and believing what I feel in the blessed moment under the stars. I took a breath and smile then and now. “Actually my HIV status was a LIFE sentence.”

When I learned I was HIV-positive, I knew it was time to enjoy the moment. Too many friends had died and it may have been considered a death sentence twenty-plus years ago.

But as a Cabot Yerxa once wrote, “When you are in the basement, the only place to go is up.”

I also realize that with time and distance from the initial moment like "HIV diagnosis”,  I can lose sight of the gift of the moment. I become caught up in the moment of should and could and might.

With the breath I can come back to now and be. Be with the gift of who is with me. With the gift of who I am and the perfection of the moment.

Perfection is always present. Every car crash is perfect. Every bee sting.

It is not the “what” is happening, but “how” we decide to deal with it. Are we going to let our choice be misery or blessings?

I choose a “life sentence.” Death will find me when it does. At the perfect time and place. For now, the citrus is blooming. The dogs are curled on the floor. Life is good.

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All That Is or It Is All or The Great “I”

February 21, 2011

As I stumble through the week of rain, sunshine, an endoscopy (for my husband not me) and a broken hip (a friend, not mine) I have to get a little perspective. I ran across this definition of balancing with the context of the balance beam, “Mastering the use of a balance beam involves more than [...]

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All That Which Is In-Between

February 13, 2011

He asked, “If you could choose one super-power, what would it be?” I thought for a moment and asked, “Do you mean like ho’okipa (hospitality)? Or Aloha (compassion)? Or perhaps, Kuleana (responsibility)?…I think Ho’okipa would be cool!” “I was thinking something along the lines of invisibility or flight.” Those might be fantastical, but can hospitality [...]

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That’s the Way the Cookie Crumbles

February 9, 2011

A few years ago I heard this story. It was told by a guest on a talk show. It may have been either Wayne Dyer or someone like him who was very kind and sweet in telling the story. The man told the story of one of his travel experiences. He was in a new [...]

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A Perspective on Life Balance

January 17, 2011

by Kahu Brian Vatcher This month we are discussing Ho’omaka, New Beginnings; the ability to find your own perspective of balance and aloha in any situation. An example of perspective is one of two people who see the same movie. One person sees the movie and they see a beautiful story of two people falling [...]

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Lift Your Light

January 10, 2011

By Kahu Brian As a Kahu (Minister), I am asked to perform funeral services. I was performing a funeral service on Saturday for an amazing family. When I got home, the country was mourning a loss of a greater magnitude. The timing this week, of my work and with the events in Arizona, is very [...]

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Greet the Year with Ho’omaka, New Beginnings

January 3, 2011

by Kahu Brian As we have shifted gears on the Solstice and with the New Year, it is time to look at the shift within us as well. This shift in seasons brings up the shifts with the heart, mind and soul that can ask us to transform much of what we do. Ho’omaka, New [...]

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Hello and Joyous New Year

December 28, 2010

This time of year is that perfect time to looking back on 2010 and forward to 2011. As I look back what I celebrate are the gifts of difficulty that I met and passed through. There were financial challenges, health challenges with family and friends including a thrombosis and cancer. I have friends who lost [...]

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Hope in the space in between

December 20, 2010

We each learn about finding life-balance with the tools we have. It is the allowing of an circumstance to be new and different even when it is tradition or “a part of life.” In one part of life, the illness of a parent, there can be many new parts as things unfold in different ways [...]

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