It has been some time since I sat down to write in this “blog”. The meal eaten alone is not very satisfying. There is an old Hawaiian saying which, in English, is sort of like, “You eat standing up.” The layers of meaning are seen in the idea that you have no place nor people with whom to share your food. You are alone and on the go. It is a strange thing in Hawaiian culture to have no place of community or connection.

Another aspect of community is to see the importance of each individual. Each person has their part to play and the job or experience they bring in to the picture. They not only have to take care of the job of being a “cook” or “husband” but each person must take care of “myself.” When I lose sight to that point I begin to feel disconnected. I can help more when I care for myself. That begins with love.

It can also begin with fear. That is their prefect role, too. To be the gossip and fear monger. The mirror of what we may not want to be.

There is a falsehood that I should be kind to only those who are kind to me. I hope I am but some days I am in my head and may be blind to the kindness. An email goes unanswered. A text message is not responded to directly. There are many small kindnesses that may come towards me that I miss.

The truth may also be that my kindness is missed by others. It doesn’t matter. The only kindness I hope I can remember is the kindness to be with myself. To forgive myself. To allow myself the patience to begin where I am.

I believe one of the greatest “lies” we like to say is “do as you like…as long as it does no harm to others.” I wake up and harm “people”. I’m gay so there would some who say I harm the world for being myself. I am married to man, so I “harm” marriage for some. I eat meat and love Kailua pork. Some vegans and others might say I harm them. And the blessing of my life is I actually have learned that I love who I am and that in doing what I do that harms others (either directly or in-directly), I feel blessed. I love my life. I love who I am.

The other misconception is that the “needs of the many outweigh the needs of the one.” However, the kindness of one man heals the lives of many. The anger of another can turn the tide in a situation. The truth of a crowd is that it will turn on the weakest and kill, trample, and flay a soul either emotionally, spiritually or physically. Look at gossip magazines. They love to “eat” their favorites.

The needs of the one may result in the child who grows up to heal cancer. Or the one who may bring joy to his parents. And the healing of the many begins with the knowing that love begins in each of us. It begins right now. Love is done with joy, compassion and the surrender that it may not be accepted by others.

I have seen some amazing shifts in the world through the gift I see each week in Ha’awina Wednesday. The latest blessing happened with the surrender of “leadership” to see the light of each individual in our group.

We have learned about the individual connection to source from Kemananakoa. We learned about source in each place we live and from the world around us through our visit to Keaka’s horse ranch. And Ka’iminui showed us the healing and acceptance of the lessons from source. These amazing teachers share our table each week. Each week, each other person brings their light to the place we practice. Each person around the table is a brilliant light in my life.

The blessing I see is that the light of my life is enriched and blessed by the healing happening is each and every person. Each individual participating in a moment of love helps me know we are on the path of Pu’uwai. The Hearts Flow opens each day for me.

I truly appreciate the miracle that so many have been so connected and OPEN to share so much of their lives at Ha’awina. The healing that happens and the joy that opens, grows the inspiration within me every day.  E ho mai!

It is the inspiration that reminds me that I am in charge of my happiness. I have control of my expression of love in the world. My connection to source is mine to nurture.

Thank you to the many Ohana who have shared their love, their humility, their daily challenges with the honesty and openness of angels for the past year. Thank you to each host and place that has allowed the Ha’awina Ohana a place to sit. You inspire me. You bless me. You bless the world.

Most importantly, you have been a wonderful mirror to remind me that I am the light of my world. And when I am alone, your connection is the gift that brings me light.

I look forward to eating together with you again soon.

Mahalo nui.

I stood in the moonlight and the breeze brings the fragrance of citrus blossoms through my being. It is a night full of gratitude and blessings. Calm and caressing breeze moves to a new direction bringing the scent of jasmine. Fragrances move and swirl, my life is blessed.

It brings to mind and old memory.

I was talking to someone and they said, “When you learned you are HIV positive it must have felt like a death sentence.” I remember saying and believing what I feel in the blessed moment under the stars. I took a breath and smile then and now. “Actually my HIV status was a LIFE sentence.”

When I learned I was HIV-positive, I knew it was time to enjoy the moment. Too many friends had died and it may have been considered a death sentence twenty-plus years ago.

But as a Cabot Yerxa once wrote, “When you are in the basement, the only place to go is up.”

I also realize that with time and distance from the initial moment like "HIV diagnosis”,  I can lose sight of the gift of the moment. I become caught up in the moment of should and could and might.

With the breath I can come back to now and be. Be with the gift of who is with me. With the gift of who I am and the perfection of the moment.

Perfection is always present. Every car crash is perfect. Every bee sting.

It is not the “what” is happening, but “how” we decide to deal with it. Are we going to let our choice be misery or blessings?

I choose a “life sentence.” Death will find me when it does. At the perfect time and place. For now, the citrus is blooming. The dogs are curled on the floor. Life is good.

As I stumble through the week of rain, sunshine, an endoscopy (for my husband not me) and a broken hip (a friend, not mine) I have to get a little perspective.

I ran across this definition of balancing with the context of the balance beam, “Mastering the use of a balance beam involves more than developing balance; you need to strengthen your body through exercise and increase your flexibility. You also need to learn some dance skills to make your moves on the balance beam seamless and artistic. Learning how to use a balance beam is a process that involves time, commitment, practice and dedication.” That was on ehow.com

Balance requires dance for fun; physical strength to meet the challenge; flexibility to go with the flow and commitment to the practice. With time and dedication balance will become a gift you can attain.

I would add that perspective also helps. Last week we took time for a meditation that took us out in to the ether of space and far beyond the scope of our form on planet Earth.

Perspective gave us the gift of seeing how small we are in the scope of things. We also became part of something greater. We became part of the “All that is”. It is a “we” so great that it is an “All.”

The ego would like us to believe we are the “head of” or become the “All” as a single unit which is “me” of this planet. A great lie the ego likes to keep so it is still in charge of the whole universe. We are Ohana. We are a part of all that is. Humility tells us that one hair on the back of the tiger is not “the entire tiger”.

But for the lack of the nail the kingdom falls. We have a part to play. That part is essential. It is essential if you are homeless, President or a coffee barista. The gift of perspective is we know we can commit to the passion of being the best ________ (fill in the blank with what you are through out the day mom/dad/manager/street cleaner/lover/husband/girlfriend/etc) we can be.

There is a story of a man named Kamana. Kamana ran a small neighborhood grocery store. He had managed the store for many years. All the locals knew him and loved seeing his smile when they visited his store. New customers always said, “You go in a stranger but you leave a friend.”

One night as Kamana was closing up his store, two masked men held him up at gun point. Although he followed their directions, one man was jumpy and shot Kamana as they left with his money.

In the ambulance, the paramedics referred to him as “the patient”. This continued at the hospital with the doctor and nurse. The would say, “What is the patients prognosis?” and made grim faces.

At one point the nurse was getting him ready for surgery to remove the bullet. The nurse asked, “Are you allergic to anything?”

Kamana looked very serious and said, “Yes.” He took a breath and looked her in the eye and continued, “I am allergic to bullets. I have a very bad reaction.”

Everyone around stopped and then began to smile and laugh with Kamana.

“My name is Kamana. I am the grocer down the street. Please call me by my name. Work on me as if I am alive and this will all work out fine.”

And it did. Kamana came out of surgery fine. When he returned to work the store was open and people flocked in to see how he was doing. His aloha heart was a back and everyone wanted to see him.

Months later Kamana was in the store sweeping. He looked up and the nurse who had been at the hospital was in the store. She came over to him and put out her hand. He took it and smiled.

“I wanted to see how you are doing.” She said. Kamana answered that he was doing well.

“When you told us you were allergic to bullets, it was a magical moment. Since your visit I now talk to all my patients by first name. You have made a tremendous impact on me and the hospital. I thought you should know how amazing your voice has been even after you have gone home.”

The legacy we leave is possible in every moment. In every action we make and word we speak. Each hair on the tiger’s back is not the tiger, but each part is important to the health and wellness of the whole animal. That includes you and the planet and the universe we are a part of.

Mahalo nui for all you are and give to this time and place. Most importantly, Mahalo for all you do that I don’t know about. Your gifts will give and give.

He asked, “If you could choose one super-power, what would it be?”

I thought for a moment and asked, “Do you mean like ho’okipa (hospitality)? Or Aloha (compassion)? Or perhaps, Kuleana (responsibility)?…I think Ho’okipa would be cool!”

“I was thinking something along the lines of invisibility or flight.” Those might be fantastical, but can hospitality be a super-power? I would think it is pretty rare and it is something that would be unique to each person.

Consider a super-race of people who have powers like kindness, compassion, love, inter-connectedness, responsibility or other such traits. By today’s standard that would be an amazing race of man-kinds greatness embodied.

As I read this article about a Mayan elder’s perspective on the Mayan Calendar and 2012, it seems to hinge on one thing; the “Ha” or Ether; the invisible connection between everything. That element that creates the inter-connection which then opens communication, creates hospitality and integrates everything. Carlos Barrios, Mayan elder and Ajq’ij (is a ceremonial priest and spiritual guide) says, “Within the context of Ether there can be a joining of the polarities. No more darkness or light in the people, but an uplifted unity.”

As we work on the theme of Balance in Uncertainty, take a moment and connect to your breath. When we allow our body to soothe and relax, it is with the breath. Call it meditation. Call it visualization. Call it yoga or running. All connect our physical being to the great connection, the breath.

Balance, especially in difficult times, is created by slowing down and taking the time you need to be where you are. Slow down and breathe.

A few years ago I heard this story. It was told by a guest on a talk show. It may have been either Wayne Dyer or someone like him who was very kind and sweet in telling the story. The man told the story of one of his travel experiences.

He was in a new city and went to a little shop. Inside, he enjoyed a fantastic cookie. He enjoyed the cookie so much he bought a package to bring home to his family. The rest of his trip, he looked forward to sharing the cookies with them and seeing them enjoy the cookies, too.

He got home and they opened the cookies and the family loved them. He went to work the next day. On his way home he anticipated having one of those fantastic cookies. When he got home the cookies were all gone. They had been eaten by the kids and their friends when they got home from school.

The man was disappointed. He called the shop and they shipped the packages of cookies, so he got a couple of packages shipped. They arrived while he was away on a trip. By the time he got home the cookies were all gone again.

This time when he called the shop, he had them ship an entire case of cookies. He was not going to go without these cookies again. He wanted to have some when he wanted them!

The case arrived. And the case sat un-opened. No one ate them. The fantastic cookies sat and sat. They ended up throwing the case out when the cookies went bad.

This story has changed meaning for me over the years. There are many great insights in to how people behave when our “survival instinct” kicks in and we don’t even know it; the instinct that says, “Food necessary for existence” which with a full cupboard and a store on every corner isn’t really necessary.

That instinct drives a focus on what his lack: the fantastic cookie. When he “had” them, he lost interest in the abundance in his cupboard. He focused on something else he lack and moved on.

It is interesting when I look at my own “house” and ask “Where do I focus?”

Do I look at how much I don’t have in the bank? Or do I focus on what I have and where my intention is taking me?

Hawaiian style, my personal practice is to focus on what is. The list of what I don’t have can be very long. I don’t have tickets for my family to Disneyland. I don’t have a Porsche in the driveway (which is fine as I am six feet, five inches tall, so I probably won’t fit!). I don’t have size 9 feet, which also good since I am six foot, five inches tall and small feet might make me fall over more often.

So what. Who cares what I don’t have? It would be quite exhausting to keep that list up to date.

Now focusing on what I DO have is much more fun. And in the Hawaiian tradition it is how the language and culture expressed life. “E ho’oano ‘ia” Experience the radiant awe of this moment.

Life is spoken as an expression of life. If you say it, then it is commanded in to being. It would be like saying, “And so it is!” after everything you say.

It is the way young children speak about the world. It is like the story of the first grade teacher who gives her class the assignment to color anything that inspires them. As she goes around the room, she sees rainbows, families, animals and other things. She gets to one little girl who is very seriously coloring. She can’t tell what it is she is coloring so she asks, “And what are you coloring today that inspires you?” The little girl continues coloring and says, “I’m coloring God ‘cause he inspires me.” The teacher is a little flustered and not sure how to respond and says, “Well that’s great. But you can’t color that. No one knows what God looks like.” Still coloring the girl replies, “They will when I’m done.”

If we can imagine it, it can be. If we dream it, it is. Let the focus be on what you have and are and all the other noise fades away. And so it is.

by Kahu Brian Vatcher

This month we are discussing Ho’omaka, New Beginnings; the ability to find your own perspective of balance and aloha in any situation.

An example of perspective is one of two people who see the same movie.

One person sees the movie and they see a beautiful story of two people falling in love. The story she sees is about a girl who lives in a land where she is a princess and all she wants is to have someone love her for her, not for her title. She happens to fall for a boy who is a prince but she doesn’t know it. Both characters give up their public identities and transforming in to their true self for the other. Their story ends up with the two of them together and happy with a few songs thrown in for good fun. They get married and live happily in their palace.

Her friend, who goes with her, sees the movie in another way. She sees a classic story of misogyny, where women only want a man who will take care of them. The main character has to “give up her voice”, which is the most beautiful in the land. That means she is seen and not heard. Then she gives up her “tail” and gets legs (because she has to change for men to love HER) and now she can spread them and have babies. Without her voice the “prince” can objectify and project his ideals on to her and make her “his”. All so he can marry her and have someone clean his palace.

Who has the accurate perspective? Both. The example is that they assign meaning to the story without asking the author what they meant. They are projecting their history and experience on to the actions and words of the author and characters. And so the movie shows them their truth about the world.

The challenge of life is that we do this in our daily life; projecting our truth and experience on to the world. What is your projector? Is it your heart? Or is t the stories of the past which the current world may not even know. Can we change the lens and have Ho’omaka, a new perspective?

Can you choose to see the same event and hold back judgment? When you see someone make a face or “do” something that annoys you, can you sit in compassion and observe your own reaction. Now, instead of judging, can a question begin with something like, “I wonder: what does that means for them?”

In finding the question we can learn about them, if we want. If it is someone who is passing, perhaps in traffic, then we can let them go and surrender to the next moment. And in the surrender is balance; a point of not-knowing allowing your center to be and all else to flow around.

Find your balance. Allow the flow to happen and observe. Ask questions. Surrender your past.

And in case you were wondering, the movie is “The Little Mermaid”.

By Kahu Brian

As a Kahu (Minister), I am asked to perform funeral services. I was performing a funeral service on Saturday for an amazing family. When I got home, the country was mourning a loss of a greater magnitude. The timing this week, of my work and with the events in Arizona, is very powerful for me.

This month our Ha’awina group is talking about Ho’omaka, New Beginnings. When events of great magnitude happen, it can create a shift in a new direction. We can recognize the impact when they are at a global/national level like the Twin Towers. We feel the grief. We feel confusion at the behavior. There is a sense of uncertainty.

Personal events on a daily basis can also create waves of uncertainly. A sense of imbalance from loss of a loved one, like at the funeral I officiated, or perhaps from a loss or change in finances, people leaving the place you work (by choice or lay-off), and many other shifts and changes create the waves of life.

How we manage the wave and how as individuals discover our way through uncertainty is the journey of life. Seeing the “tragedy” of life as a stopping point is one perspective. As seen through another, it is the place where something stopped, but also, where something new begins.

At the funeral I officiated, for example, we grieved the person who was gone. But we know that that is because we want to share the memories we are creating in the future with them. So we connect to this moment with the grandchildren and children and we bring the memory to life today. “If PaPa was here he would have loved this.”

In Hawaii, the energy of the person is never gone, just transitioned. You will hear people say, “My auntie dropped by last night.” By the way, she has been dead for 15 years. And believe me, Hawaiians can grieve like no bodies business. In ancient Hawaii, they used to pull out their hair and use a rock to knock out their teeth. Emotionally, that may still be kind of true today.

But we also look at their own place in the flow of life. There is a personal responsibility to take care of the kids or go to work or look for a job or just take care of them. There is recognition of the individual’s part in the flow of life.

In the peace of knowing that we continue, we make a conscious choice. We choose to continue. We gather our light and shine it in to the world. We shine the light in our work, in our home, in our community. We choose to life the light of awareness and compassion.

For the gunman, I have compassion. I can never understand the confusion and pain that could ever take you to that action. I pray for you. For the families of those he took or injured, my compassion flows to you. The anger, pain and grief is unknowable. I send my prays and love to you.

And for myself and the many others who are confused or angry by these events, I raise my light. I send light and hope that this will create a shift of calm to the political dialog. I offer light instead of fear. Light instead of anger. Light instead of confusion.

We have the choice as self-aware beings to act and be responsible for the action. I can sleep at night with choosing love.

In Hawaii, we always eat together; potlucks, “family style”. Sharing food together is part of recognizing that the earth feeds us all. “Aina” can be the land or food. We nurture each other with the food we share. We talk about the things we are experiencing and gain understanding. The daily opportunity to see the interconnectedness of life is one of the most important aspects of the culture for me.

As you look across the table, are your eyes looking with aloha (love, compassion) or anger? Try the new perspective. Look with the light in your eyes. Ho’omaka can be the fresh perspective of changing the feeling you have when you look, not just sitting at a different seat around the table.

by Kahu Brian

As we have shifted gears on the Solstice and with the New Year, it is time to look at the shift within us as well. This shift in seasons brings up the shifts with the heart, mind and soul that can ask us to transform much of what we do.

Ho’omaka, New Beginnings, is a way to begin in the moment. Begin where you are. Begin with aloha (love and compassion), ho’ihi (reverential respect for all things) and with huikala (forgiveness) for the past so you can be present to this moment.

There was a time I worked for Fortune 500 companies. A popular topic was “work life balance”. Perhaps it was me but the way I heard it explained was that you had to have the time with your family, work, etc. and the ratio of time to each somehow gave a picture of your work life balance.

In my own practice with Pu’uwai, The Hearts Path, the balance comes from you. It is the gift of knowing that where I am is my chance to feel balanced where I am. I have to work so I hope to feel balanced there. I have a home, family and friends, so I hope to feel balanced when I am with them.

It all comes down to being present to what is in front of me. Being present with aloha, ho’ihi and huikala allows me to find the moment. When I am in the moment I can begin with a fresh perspective.

Living in the present allows the mind to work but also be still. The mind allows us to balance our check book and to see a red light and choose to put our foot on the brake. It can also be a buzz with ideas and chatter about many ideas and news and gossip from the day or a lifetime.

Today we begin with quieting the mind and listening with our heart. Based on studies from The Heart Math Institute, we now know the heart is over 60% neural cells, so we can “think” with our heart. The energy field of the heart is many times greater than the mind.

Begin in the heart. Begin in the moment. Each moment will be a new beginning and an opportunity to begin now.

This time of year is that perfect time to looking back on 2010 and forward to 2011. As I look back what I celebrate are the gifts of difficulty that I met and passed through. There were financial challenges, health challenges with family and friends including a thrombosis and cancer. I have friends who lost jobs, lost family members who passed away, lost relationships with break ups and divorce. I know many people around have passed through their own challenges or are in the midst of them.

There were also the gifts of the year. There was a wedding, a hula concert, travel, new friends, re-connecting with old friends, new work, new businesses growing, ideas being created, birthdays and lots of cooking with family and friends. I heard friends say they loved being where they are. I know some found their passion. Others turned their passion up to a new level. For some of these events I was present. Others I witnessed or heard about from afar and sent my intention towards. I felt included either way.

The common gift I received was to see how powerful each person was as they faced those challenges and accepted or experienced the gifts. There was humor, strength, power, joy, tears, grief, triumph and awareness and much more through these times.

The center of it all is realizing that we acknowledged and shared the journey. The badges of our journey may be in photos. But the most important place is in the awareness of our heart. Each one of us realized that we are perfect for the things done and undone; for the success and tragedy; accident and gift. When I see people in their heart, working from love, they find the gift in the moment of living.

As we have been working in the Ha’awina class, one of the topics is working from joy in the moment. How you get there is by centering in your heart and loving yourself for all you do. Loving yourself for the cumulative self that you are who has survived every difficulty along the way. As we move through the Solstice and the shift from darkness to light begins and the New Year is at our fingertips, it is time to rejoice in the moment. To rejoice in the gift of time we each have with ourselves.

The person you spend the most time with is you. May you love every minute you spend with you. May you love yourself and be gentle when you don’t. May your love be returned and grow tenfold from your heart to those around you. That is all we have to choose. Choose to love you and life balance is yours. Start with Aloha and the joy flows in the moment and like a tide, it rises and lifts you up.

May the New Year allow each of us to embrace our whole self; every broken dream, every joyful passage, every minute with a dear departed, every hour with those who are here. May we begin first with our heart and ourselves so that as we act with ourselves, we act with others. May the atonement of the hour become the at-one-ment with ourselves in our hearts and love is where we begin.

Begin in love and love is yours. Amama ua noa. It is given it is free.

We each learn about finding life-balance with the tools we have. It is the allowing of an circumstance to be new and different even when it is tradition or “a part of life.” In one part of life, the illness of a parent, there can be many new parts as things unfold in different ways and as insurance/doctors/policies shape the care.

My friend, Chris, has been caretaking his father who has been in the hospital many months now since a fall. He has been sharing the experience via a website called caringbridge.com. Recently, I was truly inspired by a part of his perspective on the experience which reads like this:

“Interesting that when things hang in limbo like this, it almost makes certain things easier…prioritization, gratitude, seizing opportunity, ignoring pests, and being present.  And concepts like "hope" can take on meanings that are less about anticipation or wishfulness and more about peacefulness, fulfillment, and freedom.”  Thursday, December 16, 2010 5:48 PM, CST – Chris F

It reminded me of a story that took place in ancient Hawaii. The story is about a bet. The price of the bet was a man’s bones, which he was still using since he was alive. He was very sure he could win the bet and he had nothing else to bet so he bet his bones.

Why I think this came up for me is the idea that he was so passionate about what he was doing he bet his life. Waiting to face mortality to ask the question and find the hope to move forward may not happen until you are 50 or 60 or never.

When you find the peace of hope and the passion of the moment, your vision and connection to the future are clear. Things are prioritized and you feel your heart come alive in the things you do.

Having that one thing that you are so passionate about that you can “bet your bones” on it will also prioritize things. It will also flow in to the areas of your life where perhaps you would not bet.

In a more reality based practice, I bet my life on Pu’uwai, ancient Hawaiian wisdom of The Heart’s Path. These core wisdom and values are here for me. Most importantly, they are here when I fall down. When my life depends on it, the wisdom and practice guide me and heal me and, hopefully, those connected to me.

Pu’uwai makes my daily life balanced. I have a more full and complete life because of the tools and practices. I would say that the wisdom helps me fall down less; however, life has pot holes. What I truly appreciate is that the values and wisdom are my road side assistance when I hit a pot hole. I have all the help I need because I have practiced with them during the week or months or years between “pot holes”. Pu’uwai helps me find hope in the moment of difficulty.

In Hawaiian, the concept of hope is said in the word, mana’olana which might be translated in to “floating thought”. Chris used the word “limbo”. I would say it is the place in us that is calm, still and in integrity. There is no expectation or outcome attached. Imagine floating on the calm sea. Hope knows that the stormy sea of today will be the calm sea of tomorrow. The cloud will pass. There is calm in knowing that is the integrity of the moment will resolve and come in to balance.

The gift is giving ourselves the permission to be ok with “limbo”. Permission to revel and flow with the floating time. Permission to say “I don’t know why this is happening but let me be open and see where it takes me.” Perhaps then the floating hope will become the buoyant joy of the ride. 

- Kahu Brian